Accountability: Time

Dr. Doug Weiss - 8/18/2008

Sex addicts who want to act out have to find the time to do so. This time may be used to groom or "romance" someone, cruise, or get sexually explicit material. Since the addict can't tell anyone what he is doing, he has a couple of choices regarding the explanation of his whereabouts.

The first choice is to lie about where he was and what he was doing and develop a life-style that may allow gaps of time where he isn't accountable to anyone. Some favorite vocations for sex addicts appear to be sales (of all types), doctors, lawyers, self-employed and other mobile jobs that allow him unaccountable time. This type of life-style makes it much easier for him to "slip out" so he can act out without any one questioning him and he doesn't even have to lie directly. This is not to say that those who have 9-5 jobs where they stay in one location are less likely to be a sex addict. Sex addicts in 9-5 jobs may develop "hobbies" or "social outlets” such as softball, that can leave available blocks of time so that he can be unaccountable for his acting out activities.

The point is that to act out takes unaccountable time, so the reverse is true about getting into recovery. Recovery for the sex addict takes accountable time. The way to make your time accountable is to firstly find someone of the same sex, (which would exclude your spouse,) possibly your sponsor, someone else in the program or a friend who is aware of your situation....

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